R. What you describe is the best definition of God’s grace that there is - we who don’t deserve God’s love are loved by God. This can be a hard thing to accept sometimes, mostly because that’s not how we as humans respond. But it is true.
What do you do in those times when you just don’t feel worthy? Trust that God’s reality is bigger than your feelings. That God’s love for you is true even when you don’t feel it.
Go to scripture and read again the words of John 3:16, for God so love the world that God gave God’s only begotten Son so that whoever believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. Come to the Table and hear the words, “Given for you” and “Shed for you” and know that God means they are just for you! Listen carefully to those around you, especially when they praise you, and believe them. Remember your baptism and the fact that God has claimed you there.
Also, know that you are not alone in these feelings. Mother Teresa felt this absence of God, of being unworthy of God’s love for the last fifty years of her life. Martin Luther suffered his own “dark nights of the soul” where he felt unworthy of God’s love. Each of these deeply spiritual people walked this journey as well.
If you continue to struggle with those feelings of not being deserving, feel free to come talk to me or to talk to an outside counselor. Sometimes talking back to those feelings of being undeserving can be easier when you have some else who believes in you in your corner. And sometimes these feelings are not a spiritual dilemma at all put rather something going on in our bodies.
In all things, I pray that you know that you are a beloved Child of God.
Let me know if you have further questions by contacting me.